Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize