Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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