i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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