i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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