All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
