I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
