if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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