before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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