i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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