You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
