dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
