chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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