I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
