u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
