I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
