alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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