i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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