The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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