So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
