hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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