quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
