Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
