I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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