i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
