i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
