well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
