It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
my poor anus
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
