I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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