dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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