And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
