If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
