Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
