Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
