.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize