Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
