i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i would punch a child for taco bell
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
