Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize