Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize