First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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