i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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