Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize