There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
