I just saw a hot homeless man
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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