this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
