I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
