What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
there's paper in my vomit.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize