I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
