IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
