This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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