there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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