Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
