I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
