I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
