I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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