you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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