So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I have feelings that need drinking.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
