He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize