Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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