plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
