I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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