The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
