you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Randomize
