I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
