and i looked up. we had an audience...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
