i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
