sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
