as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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