do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
