Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
