Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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