Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
