All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Rumble strips road head = magical
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
