wakey wakey hands off snakey
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize
