her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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