actually, I'm a sock model
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
