Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
