Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
