Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
