I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
