I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
