woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
