you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
