I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
