i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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