i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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