Betty ford says i'm here all night
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
