plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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