Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize